Integration
Coming together
Still place where everything slows down
In this place, I hear my soul, speaking to me
Quiet yet certain
Soft but clear
There is no need for other
Only an awareness
And a knowing
That it lives inside me
That the divine is alive and well
And true desire
Can be met
By true desire
Free of false illusion
And tainted perception
The birth of wholeness
Invites wholeness
Whole freedom
Whole joy
Whole intimacy
Whole fulfillment
As the soul, the desire, and the divine
Are reunited
In flesh
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Transforming Fear, Embodying Aliveness
Last week, I had the honor of facilitating an experiential evening for men on the subject of liberating sexuality and spirituality. Seventeen men attended; men of different ages, races, and sexual orientations, all interested in becoming more free, alive, and empowered.
In our culture, we often hear of men being emotionally guarded and distant, wearing the "look strong and in control" mask, and competing for status and power, among plenty of other strategies and stereotypes. However, this evening, the men who attended decided to step out of the game and show up authentically, vulnerably, and powerfully. Men shared their fears, their shame, their desires, their stories, and their doubts. They revealed intimate details around their sexuality and spirituality in a real and courageous way. I left that night feeling a deep sense of hope and possibility, tasting a glimpse of the kind of world that we can create when we choose to embrace our humanness, reveal ourselves, and take action towards who and how we want to be.
One part of the evening focused on how we make the essential shift from fear to fullness, from our doubts, insecurities, denial, and shame to power, play, passion, aliveness, and desire. I believe that we make that shift through embodied practice and integration, as opposed to through theories, philosophies, and mental concepts. Rather than talk about what to do and how to it, or emphasizing techniques, it is vital to have the energy, movement, and essence presenced in the emotional, physical, and spiritual. We're not simply thinking ourselves to a new way of being; we're being ourselves to a new way of being.
We can do this in different ways: through breath, sound, movement, energy, touch, sensory engagement, invocation, prayer, and physical practice. Using these forms, we invoke the outcome in the present moment. We use the breath to open and free the body. We use movement to shift habits and stuck energy. We use sound to express and call in our desire. We use energy to give us more vitality and power.
As we do these practices, we shift and transform. Sometimes we come up against the kinks that have stood in our way, and the process feels difficult. Sometimes we experience greater ecstasy and aliveness.
Witnessing the men doing some of these practices, the energy shift in the room was palpable. The air became thicker and electrified, emotions became stronger, the men became more present and connected. In a short time, the room became more alive, and the transformation began. Always, in the long run, we free ourselves, become more open and alive, and connected to source and essence.
In our culture, we often hear of men being emotionally guarded and distant, wearing the "look strong and in control" mask, and competing for status and power, among plenty of other strategies and stereotypes. However, this evening, the men who attended decided to step out of the game and show up authentically, vulnerably, and powerfully. Men shared their fears, their shame, their desires, their stories, and their doubts. They revealed intimate details around their sexuality and spirituality in a real and courageous way. I left that night feeling a deep sense of hope and possibility, tasting a glimpse of the kind of world that we can create when we choose to embrace our humanness, reveal ourselves, and take action towards who and how we want to be.
One part of the evening focused on how we make the essential shift from fear to fullness, from our doubts, insecurities, denial, and shame to power, play, passion, aliveness, and desire. I believe that we make that shift through embodied practice and integration, as opposed to through theories, philosophies, and mental concepts. Rather than talk about what to do and how to it, or emphasizing techniques, it is vital to have the energy, movement, and essence presenced in the emotional, physical, and spiritual. We're not simply thinking ourselves to a new way of being; we're being ourselves to a new way of being.
We can do this in different ways: through breath, sound, movement, energy, touch, sensory engagement, invocation, prayer, and physical practice. Using these forms, we invoke the outcome in the present moment. We use the breath to open and free the body. We use movement to shift habits and stuck energy. We use sound to express and call in our desire. We use energy to give us more vitality and power.
As we do these practices, we shift and transform. Sometimes we come up against the kinks that have stood in our way, and the process feels difficult. Sometimes we experience greater ecstasy and aliveness.
Witnessing the men doing some of these practices, the energy shift in the room was palpable. The air became thicker and electrified, emotions became stronger, the men became more present and connected. In a short time, the room became more alive, and the transformation began. Always, in the long run, we free ourselves, become more open and alive, and connected to source and essence.
Monday, April 7, 2008
To write or not to write . . .
Well, I suppose the fact that there are words here answers that question, but I've felt somewhat ambivalent about putting some words down tonight. Lately, I've been content to simply be in the experience of the now, rather than needing to write or even talk about it. In this space, there isn't all that much to say, and it feels good to be more in the silence. However, something in my being appears to be wanting to be expressed, so here goes . . .
I suppose what's been on my mind lately is my connection to nature. Most people in my life now don't know this, but my bachelor's degree is actually in Natural History from an Indigenous Perspective. Translated, that means that I studied nature from the perspective of someone who was living off the land 500+ years ago, as opposed to a scientist sitting in a lab looking at a plant under a microscope. My studies included things like ethnobotany (including edible and medicinal plants), animal tracking, understanding and interpreting bird language, basic survival skills such as starting fires with sticks and making shelters from scratch, predicting weather, and so on. It involved a direct relationship with nature, one that required opening and using the senses, slowing down, listening, and communing. Rather than simply being an observer, I wanted to relate with the natural world. This path was an essential part of my life and my spirituality, and yet it somehow became diminished over time.
As my connection now to sexuality, spirituality, and eroticism is expanding and deepening, and as I continue to work with men, I am reminded of and drawn to re-establish that connection and relationship. The natural world is so inherently sensual and erotic, and in it I find it impossible to deny the existence of God. Whether it's in a plant or flower, the sun, water, or a bird, there is so much beauty and mystery to witness and behold. It is so much a part of us as humans, and yet most of us have lost and forgotten this essential connection.
Nature has so much to teach us: slowing down, and moving at a more easy, intuitive pace; using the senses and being sensual; listening to and following the organic order of things; being in stillness and silence; being free of judgment; paying attention; relationship,interconnectedness, and interdependence; gratitude; respect; patience; presence; connection to life and aliveness; and so much more . . .
As I've been taking more time lately to get outside and walk in the woods, I find myself becoming more human. I feel God most strongly in nature - in the air, in the smells, in the trees, in the sound of the birds. With each step, I find myself slowing down. My mind begins to relax. My senses awaken. My body opens. My intuition and inner voice becomes easier to hear. I remember who I am, and where I've come from.
If we are on any kind of spiritual path, it is important to include the natural world as part of our practice. It is the root, the foundation of our existence. It is where we meet life at its most raw, simple, essential, and vulnerable. It is where all seekers have gone for answers and inspiration. It is where we can remember who we are; free of the distractions of society and artificial culture, we are faced with ourselves and the divine. Try living solely off the land for even a couple of days and you'll get a real sense of what life is about, what is essential; there is no greater teacher.
Tonight, I give thanks for the natural world; for the fibers used to produce my clothes, for the food I've eaten today, for the wood from the trees that give me shelter, for the flowers and birds that inspire me, and so much more. I am grateful for this relationship and connection, and excited to reintegrate it into my life.
I suppose what's been on my mind lately is my connection to nature. Most people in my life now don't know this, but my bachelor's degree is actually in Natural History from an Indigenous Perspective. Translated, that means that I studied nature from the perspective of someone who was living off the land 500+ years ago, as opposed to a scientist sitting in a lab looking at a plant under a microscope. My studies included things like ethnobotany (including edible and medicinal plants), animal tracking, understanding and interpreting bird language, basic survival skills such as starting fires with sticks and making shelters from scratch, predicting weather, and so on. It involved a direct relationship with nature, one that required opening and using the senses, slowing down, listening, and communing. Rather than simply being an observer, I wanted to relate with the natural world. This path was an essential part of my life and my spirituality, and yet it somehow became diminished over time.
As my connection now to sexuality, spirituality, and eroticism is expanding and deepening, and as I continue to work with men, I am reminded of and drawn to re-establish that connection and relationship. The natural world is so inherently sensual and erotic, and in it I find it impossible to deny the existence of God. Whether it's in a plant or flower, the sun, water, or a bird, there is so much beauty and mystery to witness and behold. It is so much a part of us as humans, and yet most of us have lost and forgotten this essential connection.
Nature has so much to teach us: slowing down, and moving at a more easy, intuitive pace; using the senses and being sensual; listening to and following the organic order of things; being in stillness and silence; being free of judgment; paying attention; relationship,interconnectedness, and interdependence; gratitude; respect; patience; presence; connection to life and aliveness; and so much more . . .
As I've been taking more time lately to get outside and walk in the woods, I find myself becoming more human. I feel God most strongly in nature - in the air, in the smells, in the trees, in the sound of the birds. With each step, I find myself slowing down. My mind begins to relax. My senses awaken. My body opens. My intuition and inner voice becomes easier to hear. I remember who I am, and where I've come from.
If we are on any kind of spiritual path, it is important to include the natural world as part of our practice. It is the root, the foundation of our existence. It is where we meet life at its most raw, simple, essential, and vulnerable. It is where all seekers have gone for answers and inspiration. It is where we can remember who we are; free of the distractions of society and artificial culture, we are faced with ourselves and the divine. Try living solely off the land for even a couple of days and you'll get a real sense of what life is about, what is essential; there is no greater teacher.
Tonight, I give thanks for the natural world; for the fibers used to produce my clothes, for the food I've eaten today, for the wood from the trees that give me shelter, for the flowers and birds that inspire me, and so much more. I am grateful for this relationship and connection, and excited to reintegrate it into my life.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Simply Being
Bittersweet . . . stillness . . . sadness . . . peace . . . contentment . . . joy . . . relaxing into the now, the present, the presence, a soft landing, a gentle glide on the calm surface of the lake. No distractions, no hiding, no running. Fear is present, but it just simply is; it doesn't really mean anything. There is a grace in it's presence.
I was listening to a recording by writer Natalie Goldberg last night. She was talking about how one never overcomes anything; one simply befriends it. I feel that way now; befriending all that is in each moment, allowing it to be. Somehow, it comforts each thought, each sensation, each emotion, caressing it, seeing it, feeling it.
Underneath, I feel a well of power, of strength, of clarity. That deep connection to essence, to spirit, to source, to self, to creation. It is like a deep surrender into a bed of outstretched arms, catching me as I fall backwards. No control, no forcing, no effort.
In the past, I had this idea that being powerful meant doing something, taking action, being strong. I'm discovering now that, at least for myself, it comes through surrendering, letting go, and being present.
I feel grateful tonight. For myself, for my life, for my friends, community, home, work, family, body, health, spirit, mind. Something new is arising. A new way of being. A new way of relating. A new way of living. A new way of loving.
I am grateful.
I was listening to a recording by writer Natalie Goldberg last night. She was talking about how one never overcomes anything; one simply befriends it. I feel that way now; befriending all that is in each moment, allowing it to be. Somehow, it comforts each thought, each sensation, each emotion, caressing it, seeing it, feeling it.
Underneath, I feel a well of power, of strength, of clarity. That deep connection to essence, to spirit, to source, to self, to creation. It is like a deep surrender into a bed of outstretched arms, catching me as I fall backwards. No control, no forcing, no effort.
In the past, I had this idea that being powerful meant doing something, taking action, being strong. I'm discovering now that, at least for myself, it comes through surrendering, letting go, and being present.
I feel grateful tonight. For myself, for my life, for my friends, community, home, work, family, body, health, spirit, mind. Something new is arising. A new way of being. A new way of relating. A new way of living. A new way of loving.
I am grateful.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Healing the Masculine
As I sit down tonight to write, I am very aware of what means to be a man in today's world. How few role models there are, and how few there have been. Of the disowned, disembodied power, of the disconnect from the emotional body, of the limited relational and intimacy skills, of the shame, suppression, and often misdirected sexual energy. I see and have seen these aspects of myself, and in probably every man I've ever met. I have seen many men struggle with addiction, with a sense of powerlessness, with relationship, with homophobia, with right livelihood, with identity, and with purpose.
I have been struggling lately around my own purpose and coming from my authentic depth, and I realized tonight how terrified I am of fully stepping into my full power and potential. One on hand, I recognize what I am here to do, and sense the wholeness of who I'm becoming and destined to become. On the other, I just want to run and hide. Abort the mission. Go deliver pizza, have light, casual relationships, watch TV, and play video games.
Yet, I have been choosing to keep stepping into my purpose and power. It has been a long road, and I have taken many steps thus far. Now, it's time to jump, to take the leap of faith, to divine in as far as I can.
In the face of this choice, I feel angry. Angry at God, angry at myself, angry at all the people and situations that I've had to overcome. The questions comes up, "Why me? Why the fuck do I have to do this?" Sure, I have a choice, but I don't really. When truth comes knocking, when spirit calls, I know that I need to answer, that true satisfaction and happiness comes from listening to and living that deep knowing of who I am and why I'm here.
In the face of my fear, in the face of my anger and resentment, I will continue to choose this love. I am passionate about serving men. I am passionate about our awakening, transformation, and embodiment of essence. I am passionate about creating and embodying a healthy, whole, integrated masculine. I am passionate about healing the disconnection between the masculine and the feminine. I am passionate about being alive, awake, present, ecstatic. I am passionate about honoring and aligning our sexuality and spirituality, of unifying heaven and earth, and of the embodiment of God. It's time to bring it all forth, and so it shall be.
Amen.
I have been struggling lately around my own purpose and coming from my authentic depth, and I realized tonight how terrified I am of fully stepping into my full power and potential. One on hand, I recognize what I am here to do, and sense the wholeness of who I'm becoming and destined to become. On the other, I just want to run and hide. Abort the mission. Go deliver pizza, have light, casual relationships, watch TV, and play video games.
Yet, I have been choosing to keep stepping into my purpose and power. It has been a long road, and I have taken many steps thus far. Now, it's time to jump, to take the leap of faith, to divine in as far as I can.
In the face of this choice, I feel angry. Angry at God, angry at myself, angry at all the people and situations that I've had to overcome. The questions comes up, "Why me? Why the fuck do I have to do this?" Sure, I have a choice, but I don't really. When truth comes knocking, when spirit calls, I know that I need to answer, that true satisfaction and happiness comes from listening to and living that deep knowing of who I am and why I'm here.
In the face of my fear, in the face of my anger and resentment, I will continue to choose this love. I am passionate about serving men. I am passionate about our awakening, transformation, and embodiment of essence. I am passionate about creating and embodying a healthy, whole, integrated masculine. I am passionate about healing the disconnection between the masculine and the feminine. I am passionate about being alive, awake, present, ecstatic. I am passionate about honoring and aligning our sexuality and spirituality, of unifying heaven and earth, and of the embodiment of God. It's time to bring it all forth, and so it shall be.
Amen.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Nothing To Do
In the place of surrender, there is nothing to do. Nothing that is supposed to happen, nowhere to be, no one in particular to engage in this nothingness with.
Rather, it is a place of presence, of beingness, of ease, grace, and flow. From this place of nothing, anything can arise. As I relax into this place, as I release all control and effort, things begin to emerge: desire, willingness, inspired action. The spirit of God begins to work through me, awakening my body, arousing my passions, bringing forth my soul's purpose and calling. I move without walking, speak without needing to utter a sound, work without working.
I didn't set out to accomplish anything today, didn't have any external goals, wasn't trying to achieve anything, and yet things happened. A workshop was brought into form, a healing and awakening occurred, ideas were birthed, text written, connections made, intimacy transpired, tasks completed, food cooked. Yet, I feel like I didn't really do anything to make any of it happen. It just did. I feel both alive and relaxed, almost surreal. How did all these things happen? Did I just dream it all up? And yet, the proof surrounds me that it was all real. All I did was let go.
This place is about allowing, about doing the backstroke amidst the river of life, about being moved rather than moving. It is about saying, "Take me, use me, play me. I am yours, divine will. I surrender." While I do feel some sadness tonight, I also feel full and connected, like I've made contact with a part of myself that I've been missing for a while. Perhaps this sadness is really a grieving of this separation.
Whatever the reason, I am choosing to continue to do nothing, instead allowing myself to be done, to be undone, to give it all up and over to the whim of source and to my soul. Take me.
Rather, it is a place of presence, of beingness, of ease, grace, and flow. From this place of nothing, anything can arise. As I relax into this place, as I release all control and effort, things begin to emerge: desire, willingness, inspired action. The spirit of God begins to work through me, awakening my body, arousing my passions, bringing forth my soul's purpose and calling. I move without walking, speak without needing to utter a sound, work without working.
I didn't set out to accomplish anything today, didn't have any external goals, wasn't trying to achieve anything, and yet things happened. A workshop was brought into form, a healing and awakening occurred, ideas were birthed, text written, connections made, intimacy transpired, tasks completed, food cooked. Yet, I feel like I didn't really do anything to make any of it happen. It just did. I feel both alive and relaxed, almost surreal. How did all these things happen? Did I just dream it all up? And yet, the proof surrounds me that it was all real. All I did was let go.
This place is about allowing, about doing the backstroke amidst the river of life, about being moved rather than moving. It is about saying, "Take me, use me, play me. I am yours, divine will. I surrender." While I do feel some sadness tonight, I also feel full and connected, like I've made contact with a part of myself that I've been missing for a while. Perhaps this sadness is really a grieving of this separation.
Whatever the reason, I am choosing to continue to do nothing, instead allowing myself to be done, to be undone, to give it all up and over to the whim of source and to my soul. Take me.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Finding God
God
I woke up this morning and realized
That yours is the face I've been looking for
All this time
All this searching
And you were right here
All along
I thought I'd find it in the face of other
In place
In purpose
In meaning
I kept looking
Without seeing
Hearing
Without listening
Doing
Without feeling
While all this time
You were waiting
Waiting patiently
To enter my heart
It takes no effort
But simply to ask
Just ask
And you are here
Inside me
As my heart spills open
I feel you pouring in
Blissful fullness
Needing nothing
Embracing everything
In love
With life
In love
With you
In love
With me
In love
As love
With love
I love you
I love myself
I love myself
I love you
Amen
I woke up this morning and realized
That yours is the face I've been looking for
All this time
All this searching
And you were right here
All along
I thought I'd find it in the face of other
In place
In purpose
In meaning
I kept looking
Without seeing
Hearing
Without listening
Doing
Without feeling
While all this time
You were waiting
Waiting patiently
To enter my heart
It takes no effort
But simply to ask
Just ask
And you are here
Inside me
As my heart spills open
I feel you pouring in
Blissful fullness
Needing nothing
Embracing everything
In love
With life
In love
With you
In love
With me
In love
As love
With love
I love you
I love myself
I love myself
I love you
Amen
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