Sacred Union of the Self

Something struck me during our gathering tonight as we visioned together; the experience of experiencing the beloved that lives within me.

For most of my life, I've sought someone outside of myself, usually a woman, to feel whole and complete. While I've known intellectually that the Sacred Union must occur within, I've had relatively little experience of embodying it. I also get that whatever dance has been happening in my relationships has been my internal push/pull and fear of intimacy projected outwards, and that going within is the place to create a shift, again something that I've known but am now experiencing.

As I've become more aware of and present with the emptiness that I sense inside myself, as well as with how I've used sex and relationship to fill it (as well as fantasy and projection to avoid it), something is shifting inside me. A sense of completeness, of solidity, of richness. It's been flickering in and out over the past couple of weeks, gradually getting brighter and stronger. Tonight, the sense feels more stable and rooted. For one of the few times in my life, I don't feel like I NEED to be in a relationship (or even feel ready to be in one).

After the guided visioning process, I realized that my vision right now is to fully experience and embody this inner Sacred Union, all parts of myself unifying into a clear channel and vessel, as well as a pillar of strength. While I don't quite know where this path will lead, I have a sense that it will be an important part of what I teach. Regardless, I feel excited and energized when I connect with this vision (and my inner critic telling me that it seems too easy and fun to be a bonafide and worthy vision). I have been wanting to connect with this place for a long time, and have not felt, or been, ready until now.

Tonight, as I step into the unknown, letting go of the how and trusting the call, I feel ready. Ready to surrender control, ready to create, ready to love.

I am ready.