The Faces of Love

I've had numerous conversations over the past few days about love, and all of its faces.

One that has been sticking with me was in response to an ex-girlfriend asking me what had been missing for me in our relationship. After talking with her and sitting with our conversation, it struck me that nothing was "missing." I didn't want to be her life partner, but I still loved her; it was just that our relationship had a certain flavor of love, and at the time, being young, inexperienced, naive, and raised in this culture, assumed that the feelings I was having at the time meant that we should be in a romantic relationship. Black or white, friend or partner, either/or.

In hindsight, I realize that what I really wanted was an intimate friendship; to be close with her, spend time together, have fun, etc. However, our culture has a limited scope of how love can be expressed and experienced between two (or three, or even a community) of people. At the time, I tried to put the complexity of my feelings and experiences into one of the acceptable boxes.

I read a book many years ago called "The Future of Love" by Daphne Rose Kingma, where she talks about the myriad of ways that love can be experienced between people. As I'm experiencing true unattachment to how love shows up and from whom, I'm beginning to fully realize and experience this complexity and depth in all my relationships, and truly appreciate each one of them for what it is.

As I reflect on all my relationships, I see how they are all so different; so many nuances, colors, textures, flavors, shapes, and sizes in each one. Some are more intimate, others more playful; some are intellectual, some spiritual, some emotional. In some there's attraction that's simply acknowledged but not engaged; in others it's explored; in several, it's turned into a commitment. Et cetera, et cetera. All different, all unique, so much so that using words like friend, lover, partner, sister, etc. don't really begin to describe the richness and specialness of the relationship. How can love be classified, or reduced to fit?

My current path is learning to receive love. I've been comfortable offering it, but (more or less unconsciously) closed to letting it in. As I do, I'm experiencing a peace, joy, fulfillment, and happiness that I never have before. I'm trusting myself. I'm trusting the Divine. I feel a freedom to choose who I want to connect with and how, rather than based on obligation and attachment. I feel free to let love lead, and discover how it wants to show up in my life - no need to figure it out, to plan, to seek it out; it's already here. No"neediness," no need to control. I'm getting that there is enough for everyone, including me. And, as I allow love to just be, I get exactly what I need.