Getting Bigger

I'm finding it difficult to really articulate what I've been feeling and experiencing lately, but essentially I sense myself coming forth. I've wanted to say it's like coming back from this dark, intense place that I've experienced over the past year plus, but I can't say that I've ever been here before.

I feel a growing sense of peace and contentment, an inner light and joy that is growing brighter. Being here in NY, where I grew up, everything feels new. Having worked the steps, my relationships with my family seem fresh, different. I feel different. I am different. Clear, grounded, connected, present, aware of my desires. I don't care as much about being liked, or as worried about anyone leaving me.

I notice that in the past, I've always taken what I can get, but not exactly known or stood for what I've really wanted; in my work, relationships, finances, health, home, etc.. I've gotten skilled at embracing "what-is," but stopped there, holding back from extraordinary, blissful, ecstatic, from what I really want.

Now, there is no more need to rationalize, to be diplomatic, to be quite so accepting. It's time to go beyond, to embrace my true power and desire for what I want in my life, and in service to the planet.

And so, I'm willing and ready to kick some spiritual ass, to be vibrant, strong, clear, and focused. I'm willing to love relentlessly, fearlessly, and stand in my truth and my desire. I'm willing to play and laugh, to risk, to be myself. I'm willing to be big, to take up space, to say yes, to say no, and to surrender to the Divine. I'm willing to step into my calling to work with men, and to spread the gospel of the mystical erotic! Amen to that, praise the Lord, Hallelujah!

And, I'm literally getting bigger! Brad (www.tridfitness.com/personaltrainers.html) measured me after one month of personal training, and I've put on 5 lbs. of muscle, grown some bigger biceps, and expanded my chest 1-1/2 inches. Embodiment, indeed!