Choosing vs. Feeling

It's an interesting conundrum - discerning when to feel and when to choose a different way of being.

I think that it is important to feel, particularly in our culture, where being in the body and fully experiencing emotions and sensations is more uncommon in favor of numbing out or thinking and intellectualizing. I notice the numbing in many forms: substances, TV, work, etc. On the flipside is focusing on choosing a different reality, also often at the expense of being present with what is and disconnecting from the body, getting lost in a vision without root and ground in the physical.

On a personal level, I notice that I can get too stuck in feeling, believing that it's important just to feel for the sake of feeling and being present. When I do this, I often feel stuck and bogged down in the feeling. I noticed this yesterday, when Anakha pointed out to me that I could choose something other than being angry. When she said it, a light bulb went off; I never realized before that there even was a choice, that I could choose to let it go and focus on something else. Maybe it seems obvious, but it never occurred to me before.

I've felt a lot of anger and rage in my life, and still do. Even though it has diminished as I've done work around it, it still does get in the way for me from becoming free. It becomes a shield, a way to stay stuck, a safe place. I definitely feel vulnerable when I move into choosing something else.

I think I've felt enough anger in my life to not have to feel it any more. It is time to let it go and focus on what I want, and let go of the past. It is time to trust. It is time to open.