The Fires are Burning

Anakha recently played this song for me called "Heal This Land" by Tina Malia, one that we danced to, and the line and melody keep going through my head: "The Fires are Burning" (insert musical accompaniment here).

I suppose it's appropriate for my first blog, seeing that fire seems to be a theme in my life and my evolution. Burning, igniting, warming, heating, dancing, scorching. Anger, passion, power, desire, warmth, joy, ecstasy, inspiration. All aspects of the fire, the flame, the light.

The fires are burning for me as I write this. Burning away all that is ready to be transformed and alchemized: my shame, my rage, my anger, my guilt, my self-hatred, my insecurities, doubts, fears, and worries. Lighting the way to that which nourishes me and brings me closer to God: self-love, trust, abundance, joy, inner peace.

As I prepare to return to New York to visit my family, I am aware of the ways I have disconnected from my self, my soul, and my essence. I am aware of how the wounds of my childhood have impacted and shaped by life: the abuse, the manipulation, the control, the abandonment. The ways I've closed down my heart, separated myself from that which my soul years for and my heart desires, kept myself small.

As I have been on my journey of healing and awakening, I have chipped away, deconstructed, taken apart, let go of, and dissolved those dark places. I have healed, tended, and nurtured those wounds. Yet now, it is a critical time, a pivotal time, to to take hold of the roots and shake them free. In the wake of recent events, they have revealed themselves to me, offered up their dirt, their darkness, their shadow, and presented a simple message: now is the time. Time to step up. Time to let go. Time to give it over to the divine and spirit. Time to grow up. Time to forgive. Time to honor and time to bless. Time to pray. Time to heal. To to give, receive, and become unconditional love.

This is a path we all must take if we are to truly heal ourselves, to know and commune with the divine, to transform, and to love. On this path, there is no blame, no judgment. We are all victims and perpetrators, if only to ourselves. The question is, will we take it? Will we stop complaining, whining, judging, bitching? Will we stop distracting, avoiding, denying, suppressing? Will we descend into the darkness and stay there, making peace with it, loving it, making love to it, and embracing it? Will we give it over to the divine and say, "Here - take this - I am ready to surrender, to let go, and to trust in this free fall of not knowing?"

In a time when many of us search for joy, happiness, peace, and harmony, the question becomes: can we find it in the darkness? in the shadows? This is where true love is, a hidden aspect of the divine where few are willing to acknowledge, let alone look at, let alone visit, let alone embrace. We see this in our world: the violence, wars, rape, hatred, intolerance, separation. It is inside of each of us, calling out, crying out for attention.

And now, I see it clearly inside myself: selfishness, control, manipulation, fear, scarcity, self-hatred, shame, denial, judgment, disconnection, dishonesty, separation, isolation. They're all there, and they've been partying for a long time with little adult supervision.

Well, I'm here to say that the karma police have arrived to bring some balance to this party. It's time for a new party to get started: one with abundance, power, passion, focus, and clarity. A regal catered event with joy, intention, tolerance, acceptance, integration, and love, with a special guest appearance by the divine itself.

And, maybe a "new age" beverage or two ;)