"Trust Me"

I awake today at 4am, another early-morning rendezvous with the dark stillness. The journey is sometimes intense, sometimes, confusing, sometimes frustrating as all hell. Two steps forward, one step back. Blissful awakening, clear knowing, turbulent chaos. Deep connection, open heart, closure. It is a hero’s journey, this path to awakening, to transformation, to embodiment, to connect with essence and source and live from that place. My time here is taking me deeper, my time with my mother continuing to create opening and connection between us, a new way of relating and being together. Love is blooming.

In this darkness of night, my mind begins to race, to question, to doubt. It appears that another storm has come in, creating turbulent thoughts, kicking up the doubts, the fears, the insecurities. I want proof and evidence that all will be well, that all is well, and I’m not getting the proof in the way that I want. Amidst this, a voice emerges, one that has been speaking to me for the past several months, with a simple message:

“Trust me.”

But I don’t want to trust. I can’t trust. What is there to trust? My mind pulls out the evidence: the pie charts, the flow charts, the annual reports, the flashy powerpoint presentation. “See,” I say, “Just look - it’s all going to shit.” I ask it what it has to say about that.

“Trust me. All is well. Bliss is awaiting you. Your dreams await. Peace awaits. Love awaits. If you just trust.”

I try it for a moment, and relax a bit. My mind is a little quieter for a moment before it resumes its case. Growing up, it never seemed to get better. The 17-year storm never seemed to pass, no matter how much I wanted it to, no matter what I did.

Until it did. When I surrendered. Then it came back, and then it passed, over and over again, each time the storms getting a little smaller, a little weaker as my essence emerged stronger, more open.

The teachings of Abraham teach that most of us respond to what’s happening in the moment, and react and choose based on that. We see the evidence, the proof, and disconnect from essence, from source, from desire. We move away from what we want. We move away from God.

Instead, they say essentially, to return to the vision, to the dream, to the trust and faith in the divine. To raise your vibration in spite of the evidence. To pay attention, notice, and focus on what creates the opening.

I decide to try again, to listen to the voice. My mind quiets a little more. My heart opens a little more. Either way, I at least feel better. Calmer. Connected. Hopeful. I realize that this is the gateway, the missing piece, the real block to present-moment embodiment.

The voice is calm, steady, persistent. Each time my mind kicks in, it speaks up with its simple reminder. “Trust me.”

I do. One step at a time. Little by little. Bridging each moment into a longer moment. My mind is quieter now. My faith is strengthened. My belief clearer. My trust deepened. I can once again rest in the stillness.