Love and Forgiveness

Early this morning, I witnessed a young woman be sentenced to four and a half years in prison. She was guilty of the charges, of which none actually harmed anyone. She was remorseful. She was distraught. She was also honest in her guilt, direct, straightforward, in integrity, admitting and taking full responsibility for her actions. Now she'll do her time, unfortunately in a system that seeks control and punishment over rehabilitation and healing, which is what she most needs right now.

This woman, Nichole, has been teaching me much about myself: mirroring my self-hatred, my challenges to receiving love, my struggle to sometimes makes choices out of my highest good, my vulnerability, my compassion, my selfishness. Despite not knowing her very well, I do know that she has a good heart and good intentions. She is honest, real, genuine, a no bullshit kind of gal. Her childhood was intense, filled with tales of meth addiction, abandonment, and other details that few of us have experienced and lived through. She reminds me of how easy my life is in comparison, despite my own history of abuse. I've at least had people who've loved me in my life.

That is changing for her now. Many people, including myself, are showing up to love and support her, including those who were directly affected by her crimes. They have forgiven her, loved her as she is, and offered to step up and help her in her recovery and healing. It is a new thing for her to be loved at all, let alone by people that she's hurt. And, she's choosing to now let it in, to do the work, to step up and be the woman who she truly is in essence.

We all need forgiveness in our lives, to make the choice to open our hearts and love freely, openly, simply because it is ultimately healing. Otherwise, keeping our hearts closed, we ultimately hurt ourselves. Probably the greatest moment of my own healing was the moment when I truly forgave my father. I felt a relief, a love, ecstatic waves of energy pulsing through me. All those years, I thought I was punishing him, but really I was punishing myself. Yes, there's a process to it, yes, it can take time, but it is a worthy goal, a liberating goal, the true embodiment of love.

As I see Nichole begin to forgive herself by allowing herself to be loved, tonight I choose to do the same. To forgive myself. To forgive those who have hurt me. It is not easy; my heart opens and closes, expands and contracts. But, I keep choosing to open, because eventually it will remain that way. Because that is true love. Thank you Nichole, for reminding me.