Questions

There are many questions on my mind tonight as I sit in silent meditation. Questions about love and surrender. Questions about connection to self, self-love, and self-care. Questions about intimacy and relating. Questions about our cultural and collective wounding, particularly around addiction and sexuality. Questions about how I am being called to work, what spirit is wanting of me, and what I'm to do. The questions most on my mind tonight around pertain to men, and our disconnect around sexuality.

We all have our addictions. Some hurt and affect others, be it people, animals, or the planet. Others addictions are directed inward, causing harm to the self. Almost all of the men I know have some form of sexual addiction. For some, it involves pornography. For others, fantasy. For others, compulsive sexual experiences. For others, it is acting out sexual abuse.

There is also a disconnect in many men around their sexuality. Bombarded by images and ideas of who and how men are supposed to be, men today are often forced to choose between their sex and their heart. For the former, to have emotions, to be vulnerable, compassionate, caring, and sensitive is to be weak. For the latter, to be powerful and fully embodied is to be domineering, abusive, and chauvinistic. There are few models of how to hold both: to be powerful and sensitive, sexual and sensual, strong and vulnerable.

This is what we are being called to do: to integrate these disconnected aspects of ourselves. To unite the heart and the genitals, and align them with spirit. To claim our power and use it to heal, rather than to control and dominate.

This is a powerful step towards healing our sexual addictions, many of which are genital-focused rather than heart-focused. As we awaken the heart, we can connect to what our hearts most yearn for, what our souls crave, and what our spirit desires. From this awareness, we can use this raw sexual energy and direct it towards our purpose, our dreams, our passion, our creativity, and to loving the world awake.

There is power in our sexuality and eroticism. Once we stop allowing it to leak out in unconscious, habitual, and reactive ways, once we tune into this energy in ourselves and come into relationship and consciousness around it, we can begin to own it, claim it, and control it. Taking this energy and aligning it with our hearts, we can both give and receive the love that we really want, a love that nourishes, sustains, and heals.

However, if we shut it down our sexuality and focus only on our hearts, we lose that raw energy and passion and become mushy, weak, and deadened in our vitality and life force. Thus, it is necessary to have both, integrated, whole, and aligned.

My call to men is to come into relationship with this sexual energy inside you, with your heart, and with spirit.

Get to know this sexual energy. Be present with it. Feel it. Notice it. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Rather than giving it meaning, honor it and allow it to be as it is: pure energy, a divine gift, personal power, a blessing. Start to become conscious of how you are using it and directing it.

Feel into your heart. What do you yearn for, in your relationships, in your work, in our cultural evolution? What would most nourish you, sustain you, feed you, heal you? Where do you hold back in your loving?

Take time to listen to spirit. What are you being called to do? Where and how are you needed to serve? Why are you here?

As you become present with these aspects, notice how they are currently separate and disconnected. Ask yourself how they can come into balance and alignment. Notice how they can work together. Use these gifts wisely and with clear intention, rather than unconscious reaction.

We owe this to ourselves. We owe this to the planet. We owe this to our children. We owe this to the feminine, to reclaim, reconnect, and come back into balance and relationship with her. Let us move beyond the shame and the guilt and begin to take responsibility for ourselves, our energy, and our actions. Let's truly be the change that we wish to see.