Core

The past couple of days have continued to be a time of little doing, little distraction, and frequently being still. As I continue this practice of presence, of sitting, embracing, noticing, feeling, connecting with the body, the emotions, the divine, the flesh, I begin to connect more deeply to my core.

I am connecting with new parts of my body that I haven't connected with before. I hadn't realized that when I've scanned through my body in the past, I hadn't been able to feel the area from my solar plexus to genitals. It was like a blank, empty space.

As I've taken the time to be fully present with my body, I've begun to put more awareness on that area. The first time that I connected with my genitals through awareness, a wave of energy shot up through my core. I realized that I've never just felt into that area, and it was like something awakened. As I've felt the space in my pelvis, my belly, my abdominals, I experience new sensations and emotions. Fear; power; anger; vitality; pleasure; tingling, numbness.

The more I keep my awareness here, the more I begin to feel my core. It is like a rod running from my pelvis up through my center, carrying a current of energy. It feels strong and solid. It is like parts of me are being "filled in."

With this developing awareness comes new experiences: sometimes painful, sometimes scary, sometimes ecstatic. I experience both what was suppressed and cut off as well as the integration in the healing. Disconnected parts are becoming connected, weaving together. Much of the time, as these parts come up for to be healed, it is quite uncomfortable.

This aspect of embodiment is vital: active awareness, inclusion, and integration of the whole body. As I continue the practice, amidst the discomfort, I experience a deeper sense of self. The I AM. I feel it, growing stronger as I stay present, my body becoming whole, my self becoming whole, my soul becoming whole. Less need, more fullness. Greater security. Increasing power. Pleasure and pain dancing together to birth a new self, new inspiration, connection to source, tapping into truth and essence.

Yet, no need to hurry or move beyond. Allowing what is. No judgment. No need to "feel good." There is only this moment, the perfection of the moment, the perfection of the body.

And so it is.