Tempering

As I continue to rise up
Rebuilding
Reconstructing
Recreating
Reintegrating
I feel a strong foundation being formed inside me

Even in the space of love, the rage is still present. I am being called to let go of the duality and recognize that they are not separate. To experience the bigness of love, and how it can hold everything. All the darkness. All the light. All one.

In the face of this rage, I am being called to be present. To notice it, to breathe with it, and to embrace it.

It is not always easy. Anger is probably my most shameful emotion. Sometimes I want to scream it out, sometimes I want to focus it on someone else, sometimes I just want it to go away. I feel like I need to do something with it, anything to not feel it, anything to not allow others to see it, to just not have it be there. I wonder if it will hurt someone or scare them away. I fear its power. I fear my own power.

Yet, if we are to tame the beast, we must befriend it, get to know it, take it for a walk, and ultimately love it. Like a hose on full blast spraying in every which way, once we get a handle on it, we can focus the stream. We must master the intensity and ferocity, becoming skilled artisans with the sword.

It is not a matter of wondering if we are or aren't angry: we all have the sword of anger inside of us. Therefore, the question becomes: What will we do with it? Deny it? Suppress it? Ignore it? Make nice and cover it up?

Or, will we step up and face it, embrace it, dance with it, hold it, and master it? Any other choice is playing into the game that we see in the world around us, a world where unchecked and unloved anger is being used to destroy, kill, torture, and rape both the earth and its people.

As I cultivate a relationship with anger, holding it in love, I experience a new flavor of love. A fierce love, one that knows when to cut, when to slice, when to protect, when to honor, and when to bless.

With this fierce love comes a sense of clarity, of knowing, and of purpose. It is cutting through the "maybe" kind of love, the "let's wait-and-see" kind of love, the wishy-washy love. It is helping to keep me strong in the face of disapproval, the face of judgment, the face of uncertainty, the face of isolation, and the face of self-doubt. It is opening my heart, knowing that I can take care of it, that I am powerful enough to hold myself, and to surrender into the arms of God.

Lead the way. I am yours. I am mine. I am ours.

I am.